SHURPANAKHA
These events take place all during one detention period in a high school not unlike what we’ve known
OPEN ON A FIELD - SHOT IN 2.76:1 (WHOLE FILM)
As the camera tracks back we’re made aware of the fact that we’re observing this field from inside a room - camera holds on the glass
CUT TO:
REVERSE SHOT - ENTIRE CLASSROOM NOW VISIBLE
Hold on shot for uncomfortable amount of time
Door open, student enters and takes seat
(She’s superfluously dorky)
New girl glances around room, eyes resting momentarily on a boy, she then takes her seat near caddy-corner the boy of interest
All of this occurs through the same shot, we now get a tracking zoom on the new girl, Panny, who appears mortified
PANNY
(quietly to herself)
Oh man, hope he didn’t see that
CAMERA RETURNS TO WIDE SHOT OF ENTIRE CLASSROOM
(Panny and Boy are positioned such that we can see them both clearly in this wide shot, opposite extremes)
TEACHER
(lacking enthusiasm)
This is what you all get for being deadbeats; we now get to sit around in this room together all day, because a sensible punishment for lack of attention in school is reinforcing the idea that school is boring. If we punish in the same space we educate there should be absolutely no subconscious cross-association, rather you’ll all simply learn to pay attention. Especially you Mr. Football, you’re not above the system.
MR. FOOTBALL
(To himself)
This is ridiculous, all I did was act on anticipated preferential treatment because I’m a sports star.
Panny stands up and moves closer to Mr. Football
PANNY
Hey, what’re you in for?
MR. FOOTBALL
I skipped a test. It’s so stupid, I wouldn’t have passed anyway why is everyone acting like it’s important that I take it?
PANNY
Maybe they just want to see what you can accomplish if you try? I’ve always seen you from the stands, if you can take a study with the same dedication you bring to sports, I’m sure you’ll pass.
MR. FOOTBALL
Wow, you sure are smart. I never thought about it that way - I’m so gifted athletically, it only follows that this skill would transfer to academics.
PANNY
You’re the most handsome man I’ve ever seen, do you want to date me?
MR. FOOTBALL
Of course not, I already have a girlfriend, but maybe he’d say yes
Mr. Football gestures to a similarly unfortunate boy a few rows down
PANNY
But wait, I’ll take off my glasses and you’ll see that I’m beautiful
Panny removes her glasses and takes her hair out of its whale spout
MR. FOOTBALL
That didn’t change anything; why would you expect that to change anything? You’re still the exact same person, you have the same face it’s just not covered by your spectacles. I just don’t see why you thought that taking off your glasses would cause some massive shift in appearance, that’s a silly thing to think.
END OF ACT I
Author's Note:
I was having a really hard time finding a rhythm this week and couldn't entirely nail down what it is I should write. I ultimately decided to write the meeting of Rama and Shurpanakha, this time as a critique on the movies of John Hughes. This is an extremely heavy handed telling in this genre; the dialogue is very much on the nose, but it still fills the function of retelling this encounter in broad strokes. Rama spurns the advances of Shurpanakha, suggesting his brother as a slight to her, despite her altered appearance. Oftentimes these 80's movies have a moment where the geeky gal changes her hairstyle and removes her glasses and everyone has some shocking revelation that she's been beautiful the whole time and they were wrong to write her off as a dork. It's a tricky situation, but I believe these movies oftentimes make this moment hit hard as a result of characters' complete lack of effort to like people for personality; these moments are always rooted in appearance and as such are pretty superficial and hurtful when you get down to it. This motivated me to write this little deal, but admittedly it's not fantastic.
Bibliography:
PDE Ramayana | Valmiki
Photo Source:
Rama Spurns the Demon | Warwick Goble
Hey Ben!
ReplyDeleteI loved the format of your story, with it being like a play and almost entirely consisting of dialogue. This is something I haven't seen people do before, but the value in only including dialogue is certainly noticeable as you get more of a feel for what the characters are thinking. As for your author's note, most of the time you don't need something fantastic, just a little push to get started. Keep it up!
Hi Ben!
ReplyDeleteI was surprised about how you decided to write your story. I completely forgot that we could write our stories as a dialogue instead of a general narrative. Thank you for reminding me about that because I was having a writer’s block earlier. The way you wrote your story tells the writer exactly what’s happening. There isn’t any flowery fluff in between the lines which helped me understand. The only advice I have is to maybe put spacing between the lines so that the lay out is more spread out. For me, it was a little difficult keeping track of where I was just because the dialogue was so compact. Other than that, it was a good story. Can’t wait to read more of your work!
Hi Ben,
ReplyDeleteThese names are killing me. I think this was a very unique way to write a story for this class. I haven’t seen not one story like this so far, and I dig it. After reading your authors note, I got a much better understanding of your intentions with this story. I like how you went about criticizing the focus on appearance, and I think you did this really well with the Shurpanakha story.
Hi Ben! I really enjoyed reading your story and am impressed on how you have written your story like a play/movie - it is very creative! You also give a little bit of insight on the cinematography of the scene through using terms like "reverse shot" and "wide shot." Overall, I think you have created a great story! I know that in your Author's Note you say you don't think it's fantastic but I think you should give yourself more credit because it is evident that you spent a lot of time and thought in this story and it turned out well!
ReplyDeleteHi Ben,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story and how you chose to write it! The way you wrote helped readers, like me, really picture and imagine what is going on in the story. Your creativity to write something like this is honestly amazing because I know I could never think of writing a story like this. I love seeing dialogue so it was really easy for me to read your story and even want more.